it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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