Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
