"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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