Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I touched a dick in church today
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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