Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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