Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
