We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
