so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
