I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Randomize
