i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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