Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
