This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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