If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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