while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
