If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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