they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
