So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
