i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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