Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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