I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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