covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
