so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
