Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
