She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
