Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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