I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
