so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
