they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
