Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
