how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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