I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
