i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
