I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
