So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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