you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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