Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
vagina is talking i cant
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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