Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Randomize
