i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
