dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
