And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
