small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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