I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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