I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
