Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
should my penis look like a turkey
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
