paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
