You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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