who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
