Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i don't like sucking hair
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
