HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
