Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
